we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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