Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
