I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
