i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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