Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
