Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
