I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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