very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
