i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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