We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
