Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
