Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
