when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
