I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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