She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
