no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
