My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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