so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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