i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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