Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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