i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
