Tell her she can't have a vagina
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Im part way to drunk.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
