she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
