so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
