its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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