PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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