i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
