i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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