Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
