your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
