and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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