I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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