if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
