Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
