I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
