you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
