I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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