According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
