She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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