We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm too high and old for this...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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