I met the friendliest cop last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
