She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
