11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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