I want to walk on stilts...naked
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
