woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
