I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
