Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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