i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
