it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
