Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
