You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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