He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
