Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
