Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
