one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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