dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize