Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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