Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
