I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
