dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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