you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
