im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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