I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My vagina is officially offended.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
